It's doing the rounds on Facebook at the moment - not (I hasten to add) in an approving way, but with the attached statement about the media making us hate the oppressed, not the oppressor. However I've seen it so many times, along with other memes which portray and promote hatred/blaming of those who are on benefits for whatever reason, shown as "proof" that the hatred is justified and even though this latest round of shares was supportive of my position, I still felt sick seeing those headlines.
I don't know the people who write this stuff. I don't know if they are genuinely ignorant of what it's like to be on benefits (although in this day and age there is no excuse for that), or whether they don't care, or whether they do know, but they're so filled with hate, and think that their attitudes are justified...to be honest, I'm not sure what would be worse. But what scares me is that this attitude seems to be becoming more prevalent, and more acceptable. Likewise casual racism (but that's for another blog entry). At a time when many are struggling, no matter how hard they work, the urge to blame someone is understandable... but it is worrying to see so many willing to blame those who are vulnerable, who have little or nothing, and who (most importantly) did not cause this crisis. The 0.7% rate of benefit fraud is not causing the financial crisis. Anyone who really thinks it is needs to get their head out of the Heil and look at the real world. It's sheer laziness to accept the media view, and to spout hatred based on that. It suggests that they'd rather not think for themselves, or take the time to find out the realities....they'd rather just suck up the venom and continue the hate... I'm never too sure why papers print this stuff. Some say it's because they reflect what the public wants to read, others that the editors/owners use the papers as a mouthpiece - but either way, if people stopped buying them then they'd stop spouting this crap...well I'd like to think so anyway.
This is what it's really like to be on benefits these days:
Fear. Constant fear that you'll lose your money, the money you need to survive, for some arbitrary reason. Fear that you'll miss some nebulous rule that no one ever told you about (and yes that does happen, for all of you who will say "ah that's an excuse" - not it's not..it happened to me today, and I was just very lucky that the person I communicated with was a nice human being, who understood mental health and who listened instead of sanctioning me)....Fear. Which for someone with anxiety is a real downer...
Shame. Embarrassment, especially when the health issue is not obvious - people look at you and judge you, "nothing wrong with you" - it's internal, it can't be seen but trust me it is crippling and, more to the point, I hate it. I don't want to feel like this. I hate not being able to cope with everyday things others do without problem. Everyday I feel like I fail. Every. Single. Day. It's torturous. And I'm inflicting it on myself. Or at least that's how it feels. And I'm lucky, I have tremendous support from family and friends. My heart breaks for those who fight this battle alone.
Anger. Impotent anger at those who make the decisions, and make up the statistics, which are used to bash people like me. Anger that they don't know the impact on people - real people. Anger that they have no clue what it's like to be us, me, ill and poor in 21st century Britain. Anger at the ease with which supposedly decent people will believe the lies spouted about us. Anger that whilst many do care, progress is so slow and it's like pushing a ton weight through treacle. Anger that people seem to have an "I'm okay, screw the rest of you" attitude. Anger that people can rant about "scroungers", then say to me "Oh I don't mean you", uh, yeah you do....because you're making this assumption that the majority of people on benefits are scroungers, when in reality it's less than 1%. I stand with my fellow claimants, I'm no different. The scroungers are the exception, not the rule. Sadly in this country the government and media have people convinced it's the other way around.
Frustration. Because there's no flexibility in the system. If I could get a job, working from home, writing or proof reading (and yes, I have tried but so many of these sites are scams), then I'd take it in a heartbeat; likewise research jobs. But I cannot, really cannot, work in an office. I know people are nice, but my anxiety is not rational. The fear is all consuming at times, and although over time I would perhaps get used to it, the toll those few months/years would take would be too much for me. This is me. I don't like it much. I try regularly to push my limits, I don't want to "give in", but it's awful...even writing about it now is making me shake...just thinking about it. I am not static in this, I do try, but it takes time.... I feel worthless sometimes. Because I don't work. That's wrong. Everyone has worth....to tie worth to work is not right. Not everyone can work, but they're still valuable to society. But right now it seems as though there is one way to do things, and if you don't fit in, you're condemned.
Sadness. Because all of the above are overwhelming at times, and it's enough to drive anyone to tears. Because being loathed by part of society is soul destroying. Because no matter how loud I (and others) shout, those who can make a change quickly are not listening...more than that, they are actively ignoring us, and those who are shouting on our behalf.
I'm not jealous of those who have more than me. I don't begrudge them their wealth. That's another lie, portraying us as greedy, jealous, grasping. We're not. We just want respect...understanding...to be able to live without fear...to be treated as people, not numbers.
So next time you see those headlines, think before you nod agreement, before you tut and sigh and mutter about scroungers. Think about real people, like me, who are suffering doubly - from illness, from the lack of jobs, from lack of opportunity - as well as being dumped on by the media. Think that it could be you. Think how you'd feel if it was. Think of the example you're setting to your kids. Think of how compassion is better than hate. And put the paper down. Don't buy it. Don't share the scaremongering stories. Starve the hate, don't feed it. It will take time, but (despite it all) I do have faith that things can change.
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