Eventful, stressful, but also a reminder of how awesome true friends are....

This is the post I started to write yesterday...before things got even worse....

"Who said Tuesday would be better than Monday?


Today has been a day of up and down, mixed emotions. It's been the toughest day I've had for a long time and it's still on-going. However I have also been reminded of how amazing my friends and family are, and how fortunate I am to have them. A has been very difficult today. I've been reduced to tears several times and the stress is back to high levels. Fear, anger, sadness, frustration ... and that's just for starters. This is more than simple teenage bad behaviour and I will be contacting people in the hope of getting some help, tomorrow. In the meantime I can't seem to find the words right now... so I hope you'll understand that this has been a short blog."

Last night A was behaving weirdly and for a while I was seriously concerned. The out of hours doctor service were as much use a chocolate tea pot but thankfully I managed to calm him down. It was another late night for A, and after all that he had told me last night I decided to let him sleep. It's the first time I've ever happily let him have a day off when I've known that he's not ill. But under the circumstances I felt justified. It seems that a boy in his year has been beating him up/attacking him between lessons, to the point where A doesn't want to go to school - can't say I blame him.... He has been kicked, punched, kneed, 'chicken-legged' (where the back of the knee is kicked, hard, resulting in a dead leg and LOTS of pain), slapped, and throttled (arm around neck from behind - so so dangerous). The school have excluded the boy, am not sure how long for and A's dad and I were so close to calling the police. I get the impression from the school that they are deeply frustrated at how much their hands are tied. Seems that they have to make every effort to a) keep the child in school and b) make sure he doesn't miss out on an education...Well as far as I'm concerned I don't give a stuff about his education - what about A's? Fine, every child should have the right to an education but if they're violent then they shouldn't be in mainstream school. I feel for schools because they're told to ensure the rights of all kids but how can they do that when one child is so badly damaging another. Whose rights come first? I don't think I like the answer really....

It's really been a roller-coaster of emotion, and I'm almost numb now. I can't comprehend what A has gone through and if I think about it then I want to cry. The thought of him running and being chased by this little *&^(£$ and then being hurt again and again is heartbreaking. School should be safe, it should be where you learn, and where you find out what you like and dislike, make friends, grow up...it's not supposed to be fun all the time but then what would you complain about if it was....lol... It shouldn't be about running and hiding and being scared stiff of walking between lessons because you know that this *($£% has pushed you down the stairs before and you're scared he'll do it again and you may not be so lucky as to land safely next time...... It shouldn't be about the school trying to resolve it but having their hands tied by petty ridiculous bureaucrats who don't have the faintest idea what it's like to be bullied, and who were probably bullies themselves when they were at school. As you can tell I'm really quite angry about this. Not just because it's happened but because I don't know for sure that it's over yet. I can't be certain that his parents will do anything to stop him, I can't be certain that he'd listen to them anyway, and I can't be certain that he won't try and extract 'revenge' on A for the exclusion. I hope so much that this is done now but I have a bad feeling that it's not. All I can do is keep getting A to school and be ready to deal with whatever happens.

I'm just so grateful that we are surrounded by so many amazing people - friends and family - who have helped and supported us. I can't thank you all enough.....

On a lighter (?) note I managed to make a total muppeT of myself today, well it was my bike's fault....was just leaving the supermarket, had gone a couple of metres when the back brakes locked on and I fell off....nearly ended up on my bum on the pavement....at least I didn't fall the other way, into traffic... not fun, and am just hoping that it can be fixed tomorrow so that I can go on the planned bike ride with A this Saturday... I also managed to have two excellent meetings at Uni today about my MA dissertation and my PhD application..am too tired to think much about those now but the relief of being on track again is huge...

Right, long blog today so I'm going now.... smiley smiles and tight hugs (as a friend of mine says) x

Ahhh that Monday feeling........

So today didn't start well....A decided that he really didn't want to go to school, he tried the "I don't feel well" tack, before switching to point blank refusal, accompanied by a tantrum. He's been so good recently that facing this attitude and behaviour was actually a shock. It was definitely a test of my patience and ability not to lose my temper, and I wasn't 100% successful. Sadly he is too big and strong for me to pick him up, put him over my shoulder and carry him in, but eventually, and thanks to the amazing support staff at his school, he did go in.Of course to complicate matters I was due to sign on first thing this morning. Fortunately the job centre understood and allowed me to go in later. Things picked up after that. The weather was lovely again and the cycle ride into town helped to de-stress me. For once the advisor at the job centre was nice, and didn't make me feel like scum for being on JSA, he also was interested in my studies and (again unusually) didn't see it as a problem. It never ceases to amaze me that so many JCP advisors can't see that my studies are a good thing. I'd still only be able to work part time anyway, but they always act like I'm either trying to pull a fast one, or have ideas above my station...I know that I'm receiving government money but that doesn't mean I deserve to be sneered at. I must have applied for in excess of 150 jobs in the last year, and I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of replies I've had. Now I realise that companies must get hundreds of applications for each job, but I'm sure that they could set up some form of auto email to politely say 'thanks but no thanks'. It would make all the difference. Ah well...

I had a lovely time with Maureen (author of the book I recommended yesterday), she spontaneously helped me to clarify the plan for my MA dissertation. It's a relief because although I know what I want to do, sometimes it's hard to get the exact plan set down. Then another nice bike ride home, a trundle round Tesco - including a run in with the worlds grumpiest woman who could see nothing wrong with leaving her trolley in the aisle whilst she disappeared off to fetch something from another aisle...and who then got cross with me for not moving out of her way fast enough....not sure she was happy that I saw the funny side....

However, I did manage to stick to the diet, not even sneaking in some cheap chocolate at Tesco. So yay for me. Every day that I manage to stick to my eating goals is a bonus, and although I'm finding that temptation is more of a problem as time passes, I'm pleased that so far my aims are keeping me going. So, those aims - well I've signed up to do the Race For Life on the 22nd July in Southsea (feel free to come down and support me), and then hopefully the 5k Great South Run (ahem, walk) in October before the big one - the 10k Great Manchester Run (WALK) next May. Why have I done that....well apart from wanting to lose weight and get fit? Two reasons - Jack 'Jackamo' Marshall and Joseph 'JoBo' Bowen. Two brave little boys who have inspired me so much over the last year.

Jack had a brain tumour, he was diagnosed at the age of 4, and he passed away on the 13th October 2011. Those are the basic facts, but Jack was about so much more than that - he loved Manchester United and when he met Wayne Rooney he gave him a kiss. Manchester United get a bad press sometimes but their actions towards Jack show just what a caring club they can be. Jack learnt to walk again after his operation(s) by kicking a ball given to him by Sir Alex. I can't do Jack justice here, so I urge you all to go and visit his website (www.jacksfund.co.uk) and look at his Facebook page (Jack Marshall Brain Tumour Fund)... Jack was running, and singing Queen songs even as he underwent chemo, and if he can do that then I can certainly lose weight and get fit. Jack's smile is infectious - I can't look at it without smiling. He really does inspire me, as he inspires so many - oh, and when you see me saying muppeT - that's Jack inspired...and it's a compliment, really it is...

Joseph lives locally to me and he has Infant Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia. Again, there's more to JoBo than his illness - for example he LOVES jaffa cakes and is able to find them however well they are hidden. JoBo also smiles a lot, and is a whirlwind of laughter and mild destruction. His mum writes a fantastic blog (http://josephbowensjourney.blogspot.com/) which I definitely recommend. Again, this little man reminds me everyday that no matter what, I can pick myself up and keep going. I'm waiting for the day when I get to have some JoBo squeezes of my very own..

I will be raising funds for both of these brave boys during my walks. Cancer charities will always be close to my heart because I have lost loved ones to this horrid disease. For all my bellyaching over being fat (pun intended) I know that my experience is nowhere near to the horror which Jackamo and JoBo's parents go through every day. I can't imagine how I'd feel if A was diagnosed with cancer. I'd want to lose weight anyway, so I figured that if I can get something good out of it, why not? Hence the walks and the fund-raising.

Right....that's it for tonight folks.... thanks for reading :)

Sunday night already........ah boo

Having had a nice, relaxing day I'm now feeling more than a little bit stressed....and not just because it's Monday tomorrow..... A has returned from his Dad's house in his normal Sunday night mood, i.e. grumpy, rude and disobedient..oh joy... my blood pressure and stress levels have risen accordingly...  The hardest thing about being a single parent is having to do everything without back up....I'm currently trialing the 'bore them into it' style of parenting - where you just repeat requests calmly and in a monotone until he gets fed up...it's somewhat successful, as are the threats to remove his mobile phone - a major distraction at times... Staying calm is the only thing I can do, because losing my temper never helps and ends up with me feeling like a failure...

I was thinking today (dangerous I know) about my weight, and how the problem has developed. There's a picture of me, aged about 14 I think, and I'm so skinny in it....but I always liked sweets and chocolate, and I can remember spending pocket money on them and then sitting in my room and reading whilst eating - thus linking two of my favourite things forever. I can also remember being told that I'd put on weight if I carried on like that, and being partly defiant/disbelieving and partly scared by this. As I got older I did start putting on weight but was by no means fat, although being told that I 'had a belly' was excruciatingly embarrassing - I remember being in the bath and trying to 'pinch an inch', and then feeling awful when I could. When I was 19 I was a size 14, again not huge, but I remember feeling like I was massive, and that I was a total failure for being that size. Of course now, I'd give anything to be a 14 again, maybe one day. Even though, again, I wasn't fat I was being told I was, constantly and I believed it. As a result I began to comfort eat, something which is self-defeating but surprisingly common.

I went to Australia when I was 22 and was again convinced that I was huge - looking at the pictures after I realised that I wasn't and this was almost a turning point. Even when I became pregnant I was happy (for the first time in a long time) with the way that I looked. Since then my weight has steadily gone up, plateauing at times, even going down on occasion, but overall going up...it's been a combination of depression resulting in comfort eating, not exercising, and sheer stubbornness. Because this is the other weird thing - I'd get bolshy about my weight, thinking/feeling that I'm the same person whatever weight I am, it's none of anyone's business, how dare people judge me  by my weight etc. etc. To be honest a lot of those thoughts still apply, the difference is that I want to change. There's no point hating myself anymore, for letting myself get like this, for being lazy and greedy all those years, for being stubborn... But it's so difficult, I've been like this for so long that it's almost a habit to hate myself...

I will get through it though... but I do want to say this, please think before you make casual comments about someone's weight - you may not mean it nastily, you may not even realise what you're saying, you may be saying it because you care - that's great, but be careful, those remarks can haunt people for years. Don't get me wrong, I'm not blaming anyone but myself for how I am, but I do know that feeling that people looked down on me for being overweight hasn't helped. Telling a teenage girl that she 'has a belly' may seem like nothing to you, but to her it can be humiliating.

Ok, enough heavy stuff for now, I'm off to watch men in uniform *drool* and relax for a bit... :)

Hot, sunny...and surprisingly productive

So far, today has been a very good day... The sun has shone, the cats have behaved themselves, I've managed to get some Uni work done and *drumroll* I've even done 3 loads of laundry... *pats self on back* ... Frankly I'm happy to put up with being hot and icky, if only for the fact that the great, huge pile of towels/duvet covers/sheets which was glowering at me every time I went into the garage (honest it was) is finally gone.... I never ever thought I'd feel this good about doing laundry, but there you go...you learn something new every day...well I do anyway...

I'm not sure that the cats are enjoying this weather quite as much as I am....they have spent most of the day skulking around in the shade, and looking very sorry for themselves....Mind you, the moment I stood up they were round my feet, meowing for food - some things never change..... Last night Molly-cat decided that she wanted to lie on top of me as I lay in bed..now normally this wouldn't be a problem (apart from when she decides to stick her nose in my ear, or try to groom me - but that's another matter), only last night it was HOT - the layout of the house means that my bedroom on the same level as a loft would be in other houses..and as we all know, heat rises...so by the time I crawled up to bed, my room was like a sauna (yes, the window was open)... So there I am, pushing Molly off, only for her to climb back on - it took about 5 minutes for her to get bored with that game and go off to torment her brother/chase frogs/break into the kitchen.... Phew, the relief...except Purdy-cat (who is convinced I am her mother) chose to sleep pressed close to my legs... It's a good job I love my cats, it really is....

Today I've managed to get some preparatory reading done for my PhD proposal, which need to be made more 'original' (hate that word) and re-submitted. I'm hoping to look at crime during the nineteenth-century, how it was portrayed in the media, how that related to the culture/rules/social mores of the time - using 6 case studies... I think it's a great idea, and it probably is - but as with so much these days, it has to be original, fill a niche, take the *shudder* historiography on...don't get me wrong, I love all that stuff but it's really really frustrating trying to find that teeny angle in which to fit my work....Luckily for me I've got a lot of support, and am meeting with the Prof this week to chat about it... I know I can write an awesome thesis on this topic, I just want the chance to do it...let's hope it works out.

I'm reading a new book today...it's a special one for me, in several ways. Firstly it's written by my mentor (well I consider her to be my mentor anyway), Maureen Wright. Maureen has taught me from my first year as an under-grad and she is amazing. She was a 'mature' student as well, and I am following her route through, in fact she is my role model in that respect. I'm very very fortunate to have received so much support and help from her, I definitely wouldn't be where I am today without her help and support. Anyway, she's written a book about Elizabeth Wolstenholme Elmy, a nineteenth-century feminist/suffrage/education for women activist (I'm not doing her justice, I know) and I've finally got around to reading it. It's a fantastic book. I, and any other women who has received a secondary school/college/university education owe this to Mrs Elmy. She pushed and pushed for women to have the same access to education as men did, and over 100 years later, I'm reaping the benefits of her actions. I can't do her justice here, but I highly recommend the book - it's called Elizabeth Wolstenholme Elmy and the Victorian Feminist Movement: The Biography of An Insurgent Woman.

The 'diet' is going well. I put it like that because it's not an official diet, I'm not doing WW or anything like that. I've simply cut down and cut out, and what I am eating is healthy rather than junk. Previously when I've dieted, and followed an official diet, I've been so stressed out - counting calories/points/grams etc. and ultimately I've failed. This way, the pressure is off, well a bit anyway. I'm enjoying it, because it's rewarding and because I'm not starving myself. For example, dinner today was grilled chicken, mixed veg and a jacket potato with a tiny amount of low-fat marg....yummy and filling... A month ago I would have had huge amounts of pasta, cheese and butter.... equally yummy and filling but fattening and much more food than I really need. I just need to keep this up, and although it was too hot to cycle today I'm hoping that I'll get a ride in tomorrow as the forecast is for it to be a bit (!!) cooler... We'll see.....................

Right, enough from me....it's too hot to have the laptop on anymore, and I've got a book to read....

Enjoy the sunshine :)

Ahhh relaxation...well for a little while anyway.......

Today has been a good day, I've handed in the penultimate piece of work for my MA, my next deadline isn't until 1st October and between now and then I get to indulge in some full on, proper, historical research in actual archives....yes, this excites me very much and I'm not ashamed to admit it. I'm also getting the chance to catch up on some non-Uni reading, which is a treat after the last few months of hard graft. I want to mention the two books I've just finished reading. They're both by Alastair Humphries, and are the story of how he rode around the world; it only took him 4 1/2 years! The first is called Mood of Future Joys, and the second is Thunder and Sunshine. Now I picked these up from the library and thought I'd give them a try - and I loved them. His undertaking (for charity) was huge and the experiences he had were amazing. I really recommend the books, which aren't a detailed, day by day account, but simply recount his experiences (or some of them). 

I had a lovely time with my friend J today, sitting in the sunshine and chatting...bliss.... It really brought home to me just how often we assume that we're the only people going through a particular experience (especially parent/child ones) and how wrong that is. It's not that I want other people to have children who answer back, or speak rudely, or disobey, but knowing that I'm not alone in experiencing it is a relief. As is the realisation that my reactions are also common. I like to think that when I was A's age, I wasn't as badly behaved as he is (stop sniggering at the back Mum (and you Dad)..) but the reality is that I probably was, and that we all got through it eventually. I remember saying to my parents, on several occasions, "I won't say that to my children"...umm yes, well, errrrr, that turned out to be a mistaken assumption....I regularly bring out those oldies-but-goodies, "because I said so", "you've got to the count of 5", "don't use that tone of voice to me", and my particular favourite "I'm not discussing this anymore".... Ah well, A regularly tells me that he won't say that to any children he may have - a statement which usually results in slightly hysterical laughter on my part...

It may have been HOT today but that didn't put me off cycling, although maybe it should have done... I'm pleased that I cycled, rather than taking the bus but I did not enjoy being stuck in traffic, inhaling fumes and nearly keeling over from the heat...lesson learnt - take notice of the time and go the back route if necessary.... Mind you, when I was in the lift at Uni, I mistakenly looked in the mirror and saw a large, red-faced, sweaty lump looking back at me...it's not nice to be confronted with the reality of how others see you but it did spur me on, I will not be this person forever. I'm so grateful for all the support I've received. This blog isn't just a place for me to practice (and hopefully improve) my writing skills, it's a way of ensuring that I do what I'm setting out to do - after all, if I've put it out there on the internet, someone will call me on it if give up...at least I hope they will.... 

Right, time to watch some telly and relax..... 

Phew what a scorcher.............

You can tell I'm British, I'm going to mention the weather....it's been incredibly hot and humid here, which given that I've had to work on the laptop all day hasn't been fun... Leather sofas are great - until this kind of weather, at which point they turn into a torture device - you get hot and sweaty, it makes you sleepy and then finally you fall face down on the keyboard and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz - sigh.... ah well, I love the sunshine and at least tomorrow I can get out and about... I have to hand in my dissertation proposal, plus a couple of my friend's proposals as well. Then I'm off to have lunch and a catch up with J, who's a new friend but already a great friend - you know when you just 'click' with someone... I'm so looking forward to it... I know I should be cross that A has a detention (tut tut) for being late to school twice this week... Frankly it serves him right, because I spend an hour and half every morning nagging him/persuading him to get up, eat breakfast, get dressed and go to school...and he's STILL late...argghhhh... On the plus side it means more time with J, so it's not all bad.

The diet is still going well, although having just had a row with A (normal teenage attitude related spat), I'm fighting the urge to go and buy chocolate... Sometimes wearing manky old clothes has advantages - I'm not likely to leave the house displaying my undies through the hole in my leggings and I can't be bothered to get changed...result, no chocolate...which is good... Didn't make it out on my bike today, sadly, as I left the writing of my dissertation proposal to the last minute and then found it took longer to blag, I mean write, than I thought it would... Tomorrow is the day for catching up on that as well....am looking forward to it..

I find that biking and walking are helping me in all sorts of ways. Not only am I feeling (and hopefully getting) fitter, but I'm working through things which are stressing me out. For example, A is really in that Kevin the Teenager, of Harry Enfield show fame, stage and frankly it's driving me nuts (ok, more nuts than I was already). Sometimes I wonder who is the parent, because he is not backward about telling me what to do..I can get sucked down the rabbit hole of justification until I suddenly realise, hold on a minute what am I doing... He's definitely trying his luck at the moment, with both his Dad and I. As we're separated, it makes it hard to co-ordinate and make sure we're on the same page as it were, but we're making the effort so I guess that's something. To be honest, we do agree on  things, the issue is getting hold of each other to advise what's happened and the outcome/punishment., I guess I'm fortunate in that we're still friendly and (at the moment) not wanting to scratch each other's eyes out.  Still, when A is having a paddy I do wonder whether I'm a bad mum for wanting to run far, far away.... answers on a postcard please...lol

Ok, enough for now. I need to go and eat some lemon yoghurt...om nom nom (and it's low fat)..and relax...

Enjoy the sunshine :)

Getting used to this blogging lark........

So, I thought I'd better blog again....it's hard getting a balance - don't want to bore you all rigid updating all the time but too little and there's no point in having a blog...

Anyway, it's Wednesday morning and the sun is shining...woohoo....always easier to be cheerful when the weather is nice.... I'm off out for a bike ride in a bit - I do wish that I lived closer to countryside sometimes. It's lovely being able to access necessities easily but riding a bike in a city isn't always pleasant..maybe I'll make it to the seafront...

I'm still holding fast to the diet, cutting down on portion size has worked like a charm so far. I get hungry but it's not as bad as I thought it would be, and not having chocolate in the house is obviously a good plan....I even managed to walk round a supermarket without having the urge to buy chocolate - for me, this is practically unheard of...I'm well aware that this won't last (probably) and that at some point I'll have cravings, I'm just hoping that I will be able to handle it and that, if I do 'fall off the wagon' chocolate-wise, I don't beat myself up too much/give up totally.

Yesterday I had the pleasure (???) of visiting the nurse at my doctor's surgery.....just for a routine check up...but of course it meant having blood pressure and (gulp) weight measurements taken...blood pressure was slightly up and weirdly, when I said to the nurse that I was dieting and exercising and thought that would help, she wasn't sure...I thought that BP was affected by weight/fitness but maybe she was just distracted by the gazillion codes she had to enter in the form she was completing - seriously, apparently 'yes', 'no', 'sometimes' and specific numbers aren't good enough for the government anymore, oh no - codes like #6KL54 (probably relating to the number of times a day I pick my nose - (for the record 0) - or something like that) have to be entered instead....why? Then she made me get on the scales...oh dear...that was not fun...and no, I'm not revealing the dreadful number, suffice it to say that I was suitable ashamed... However, it has given me a target to work towards.

I'm not planning on weighing myself regularly. I don't want to get up/down over weight loss, especially as muscle weighs more than fat. Water loss can also have an impact. At the moment I shall go by clothes - i.e. belt tightening, fitting into certain items of clothing etc. I'm also utilising the 'hug test' - this is where A hugs me (around the waist) and we note the amount of crossover with his hands/arms. I prefer this and A loves it too. It's tangible for him, and it makes him realise that I'm serious about it. I will weigh myself, but it's likely to be when I feel as though there is a difference.

I've got 2 months until the Race for Life and although I'm already feeling a difference, i.e. walking faster, not hurting as much, I know I've got a way to go. Any suggestions about how best to build up to this will be gratefully received. Thank you to J who has already messaged me with ideas...much appreciated... I wish I weren't quite so fussy re food, but I fear that salad and I will never get on...sadly....at least I like sprouts.. ;-)

Right, guess I'd better stop waffling on and crack on with Uni work - time to cycle to the library and get more books about nineteenth-century prostitution... The cats are sunning themselves, and much as I'd like to join them, work calls....

Enjoy your day...I shall be back

What's it *really* like to be a fatty* 

*(well, my perspective anyway).... (please note that some people may find parts of this icky and should not read it when eating, lol)

I should make it clear that my family and friends are amazing, always 100% supportive and that what I'm about to write is not a reflection on them. It's just how I feel, sometimes, and I don't think I'm alone in this....

Funnily enough, apart from when I catch sight of myself in the mirror, I don't always feel huge...I mean I know I am, I just don't *always* feel it.. That said, I'm always conscious of the effects of my weight. For example, my knee - it's been dodgy since I was a (skinny) teenager but it's getting worse and there's only one reason, no matter how much I try to hide my head in the sand... And then there's the limp and the fact that I probably look weird when I walk, I hate that... Oh, and I can't forget the fact that in any temp above freezing I always end up hot and sweaty - *not* pleasant and very humiliating at times...  so yeah, there are physical effects, but the internal/mental effects are probably worse....

There's the fear that, when someone moves away or doesn't sit next to me, it's because I'm a fatty and/or smelly (see aforementioned hot/sweaty-ness). It doesn't matter if it's true or not, the humiliation is there inside and it's horrible. It doesn't matter that I'm scrupulous about hygeine, I still feel the embarrassment and fear anyway.

Then there's the feeling that I'm embarrassing my friends and family when I'm with them...that people are looking and wondering why anyone would be with the fatty...that I'm constantly slowing them down and being a nuisance... It doesn't matter whether they're thinking it (don't think they are but certainly wouldn't blame them if they did), because I feel it and it hurts.

This is without the angst about clothing...let's not even go there....

Basically, being a fatty isn't fun. Don't get me wrong, I don't sit here all the time sobbing and being embarrassed etc., but there are certainly times when it does get to me. And so, as some of you are probably shouting at the screen right now, I decided to do something about it. Much as I would like an instantaneous solution, it's not going to happen. It's going to be a long, hard few months ahead (especially as I have to write 15,000 words for my dissertation) but I will get there. I've already had some lovely messages of support, and I'm so grateful. As a student I have a more sedentary lifestyle. I love it, but it's not good for me. So I intend to either bike or walk for 30 mins (at least) everyday...feel free to ask me if I've done it, don't let me wiggle (haha) out of it.. I can do this but I can't do it on my own...

Right, I'm off to do some research into 19th prostitutes and the Contagious Diseases Act (see I told you being a historian was fun)

Welcome to my blog....

It's intended to be part diary/part incentive for me as I begin the countdown to taking part in the Great Manchester Run in 2013. At this moment in time I am very over-weight. This means that not only do I pretty much hate my body but I'm suffering from related health issues as well (osteo-arthritus for one). For years I've intended to do something about it but, even when I've succeeded (lost nearly 100lbs a few years ago, yes it's all back on again), I've eventually given up. Not this time. So, what's changed? Well several things. Firstly, I got to know about Jack Marshall (www.jacksfund.co.uk), a very brave little boy who sadly passed away from a brain tumour last October. Jack inspires me in so many ways. Even when he was having chemo he smiled, and he was running as well..bit of a difference to lazy ol' me... Secondly, I'm fed up of being a fatty. I hate the fear that people despise me because of it, I hate the lack of fitness and most especially I hate the restraints it places on me. Finally, I don't want A to be ashamed of me. He's at that age where things like this matter, and as his mum I don't want to make life any harder for him.


So yesterday, having seen so many of my friends in JacksArmy walk/run the Great Manchester Run, I thought - next year I'll be there. I'd already started cycling regularly and have been eating healthily for a couple of weeks now, as well as signing up for the Race for Life in July (and hopefully the 5k Great South Run in October). I am so determined not to give up this time. Hence the blog. Not only will it be a record for me but it will ensure that as, hopefully, people will follow me I won't give up even when I'm tempted to.


Don't worry, this isn't going to be some boring log of all my worthy exercise/food related issues...After all life is about more than that...so I'll talk about my life, the history MA, progress on applying for the PhD, life as a single mother, even my beloved cats....
I hope you enjoy it,
:)