The last week has been so busy, but in a good way.... Friday night saw me baby-sitting for J and L, although I think that E and A would object to being referred to as 'babies', come to think of it N probably would as well....lol... I love to spend time with J, L and their kids....it's always so much fun, although being pee'd on wasn't the highlight of the evening..the trouble is that now A is all grown up (ha) I forget that little ones should *always* be taken to the toilet, even when they say they don't need to go...yeah, learnt that lesson....but N is so cute that I forgave him immediately...
Saturday saw A and I traveling to Farnborough where we were picked up by our lovely friend A, to begin our trip to Scunthorpe for the Jack's Army Christmas meal.... it was a long journey, featuring traffic jams on the m25 (so not surprising) and the m1. It wasn't too bad tho, although I did get a bit confused, and thus we got lost, once we arrived in Scunthorpe. We made it to J's house, and were promptly mobbed by Rosie the dog...totally the cutest puppy and so welcoming.... It was so good to see J and her family again, and for A to meet them for the first time. Such a lovely welcoming place to be.... The meal was lovely, and it was great to see Jack's 'mahoosive extended family' again....such a shame that not everyone could be there... We laughed and remembered Jack, and I loved seeing Jack's family smiling and laughing....we know that the pain doesn't go away, but Jack's Army is, and always will be, there for them, seeing them smile is brilliant.... Jack remains in so many people's hearts, always loved and remembered.. Each time a picture of Jack is posted on Facebook I decide that it's my favourite (and I know I'm not the only one), and each time I see his smile, I smile too.... This Christmas I'll be thinking of Jack, and of his family, and remembering the brave li'l BIG man who captured my heart, and whose bravery inspires me every single day....
Sunday saw us travelling back down south, but not until we'd had a delicious roast dinner cooked by J, and had spent time chilling out....it was such a great time, and neither of us wanted to leave.... I'm so very grateful to A, for driving us there and back, and to J for letting us stay....we'll be back...don't say we haven't warned you... ;)
After all the traveling and late nights/early mornings of the last week, I was totally exhausted yesterday... I had a hospital appointment but cancelled it, as I just couldn't face getting there and dealing with the discomfort involved. I know I still have to have the test done, but putting it off until the New Year seems to be the right decision. I did, however, spend the day cleaning and tidying the house - I even washed the hall floor - woohoo... So it wasn't all bad...
Emotionally I'm very up and down at the moment, sometimes totally convinced that I've upset people, or said the wrong thing, sometimes just so tired that I want to hide in bed, sometimes on an even keel which then leads to a feeling that the rest of the time I'm failing at life....so yeah, totally screwy is probably the technical term. I'm not totally down (not at the moment anyway) and I'm looking forward to Christmas, but day to day stuff is still a struggle.
Weirdly, and annoyingly, whenever I speak to someone about how I feel, or what's been happening, once the initial 'relief' has passed, I actually feel worse, and I've noticed that this is getting worse. Today, for example, Sarah from MABS (multi-agency behavioural services) came over. She is working with us, specifically A and I, in order to try and sort out his behaviour and get him back on track. This means that she talks to me in detail, as she needs to cover all bases and be aware of everything which is going on in A's life. Today I opened up to her about some really personal stuff, information which not many people know...and although it was a relief to tell her, and to discuss it with her, once she had gone I felt dreadful... I've noticed this before, i.e. feeling bad after a CBT appointment, or even after I've talked to my mum. This isn't anything to do with those I'm talking to, it's not their fault at all...they're being lovely, sympathetic, caring etc., but for some reason, and probably not surprisingly, talking stirs up feelings and makes things tricky for a while. I'm now beginning to be concerned about the counselling which is due to start in January, and am hoping that I'll be able to cope with it ok... We shall see....
Tomorrow I'm planning on making a start on the first chapter of my MA dissertation...scary...but it has to be done... actually I'm kinda looking forward to it, as well as being scared...it's the first step towards completing this last stage of my MA and I'm keen to get writing.... I just hope that the long break since I last wrote (academically anyway) won't hamper my efforts... Then I plan to spend the evening wrapping Christmas presents (and probably wrestling with the cats as they try to join in...lol)..... I do enjoy sorting and wrapping presents, although it's at this point that I normally discover I've forgotten to buy one or two gifts...at least I should have time to go and buy them
So, with that, I shall leave you with this gorgeous pic of Jackamo....
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