But yes...I *finally* have my laptop back.....talk about first world problems - my laptop was in the shop being repaired for two weeks and I hated every day of it...I didn't realise quite how much I use my laptop until I didn't have it....my phone was about the only thing which kept me from climbing the walls....but I couldn't blog from it, too tricky, and I really really missed blogging... It was lovely to be contacted by people who'd noticed that I'd not blogged for a while, who wanted to know if I was ok and who said they missed the blog....that's balm to a crazy girl's soul that is.....
Aaaannnnyyyywayyyyyyyy....................I'm not going to detail everything which has happened since I last blogged (stop cheering so loud, lol).... It's been, not surprisingly, a very up and down couple of weeks.... Generally speaking I've been on a fairly even keel, albeit a very low and blah keel...but even nonetheless.... A has been fantastic, well at home anyway....I've been opening up a bit more to him about my illness, and far from scaring him, he seems to be responding well...he's been very caring, and has certainly behaved better for me. School, however, is another matter....although he didn't get into any trouble this week.....because he was off sick all week...sigh...but yes, I received a letter today stating that he is now being put into IE on Wednesday for the day because he swore at two teachers (which I knew he'd done) and also for selling fizzy drinks at school (which I didn't know about, and am totally baffled by)....I'm sure I shall be enlightened but for now, it's a puzzle.... Fingers crossed he will go into school ok on Monday because he really hates it at the moment... He's been poorly this week, but he was so happy that he didn't have to go to school....
For me things have been, as I said, fairly even. I've had a few moments of meltdown, which have been resolved by losing myself in a book.... I've also been back and forward to the doctors about various things, and am beginning to find it hard to sit in the waiting room without twitching.. I've been signed off till the middle of January, which is a relief, because I can look forward to Christmas without worrying about JSA or looking for a job... I'm still feeling very low, and having frequent anxiety attacks..interestingly I think that the reason this week hasn't been too bad was that because I had to stay with Aiden, I didn't have to go out too much....so there wasn't as much pressure on me.... My dreams are still very vivid, however, probably due to a combination of all the anxiety and the medication I'm on (venlafaxine side effects include intense/vivid dreams...)... this means that I'm waking several times at night, and am feeling scared and edgy during the day...again, I can distract myself but it's exhausting.....
I'm sticking to the diet tho, although exercise has been a bit hit and miss recently....I have an advent calendar (well I have to, ok) but I keep forgetting to open it, and only do so when A threatens to eat my chocolate as well as his....so right now, I'm not craving chocolate (Tesco's lemon yoghurt however is another matter...that with meringue = nom nom nom....) I'm pretty sure that I will eat waaay too much over Christmas tho...I'm heading to my friend C's house, and we will be going, along with my god-daughters, to her parents for Christmas day and Boxing day...now C's mum cooks the most amazing roast dinners...and I shall have two, one on Christmas day and one on Boxing day, not to mention the buffet teas and cake... *mouth waters* .. I love C's family, they're like another family to me and as A will be with his dad this year, it is fab that I can go there and be absorbed into their family Christmas.....I think they'll have to roll me onto the train when I leave tho...all that food....lol
Speaking of Christmas, I'm actually looking forward to it....there's still the worry over money (buying presents makes things tighter than normal), but I so love buying and giving presents that I'm managing not to panic too much.... A and I decorated the tree this week..it's gone up early because we're apart at Christmas so we wanted to make it last as long as possible.....
I do love it when the tree goes up....It always looks so cheerful, bright and sparkly... plus it confuses the cats and that makes me giggle... Purdy has already knocked several baubles off and chased them round the room, she also seems to love sitting under the tree...there aren't any pressies under there yet, and I'm mildly concerned about what she'll do when I put them there....could be interesting.....
This time next week A and I will be in Scunthorpe, for the Jack's Army Christmas meal....cannot wait... so excited to be seeing people again, although I'm gutted that some of the lovelies can't make it (you know who you are... I shall miss you).... A is really excited as he's not been to a Jack's Army 'event' before, and he is counting the days until we go...am so grateful to my friend A for driving us up there (and for sorting out the train tickets to her place) and to the lovely J who is opening her b&b again so that A and I can stay with her.... Jack is still my hero and inspiration..every single day I see his smiley face and I remind myself that he went through so much, and he smiled...so I can go through what I'm dealing with, and smile as well...Jack stops me from getting too low, from feeling too sorry for myself, he reminds me there is always something which will make you smile, or distract you, and that each of us is stronger than we think we are.... I still miss him all the time, I so wish that we were still getting daily updates and pics from his mum, and that he was still there with his family, they are so amazing, and they also are inspiring to me....
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