Another reason for my cheeriness is that I've got a new laptop; no more battery fails, no more keyboard fails, no more of a laptop which I'm sure has a mind of it's own..... I have a nice, shiny new Toshiba and so far, I'm loving it.... Windows 8 is not for everyone, but I like it.... I don't like using internet explorer - it has a habit of throwing a hissy fit if I scroll too far/too fast down a page, and crashes....but that's a minor fault and I can live with it. The only problem at the moment is that I can't do any work on my dissertation because I can't find the authorisation key/code for my copy of Office 2010 and the company I purchased it from haven't replied to my emails...arghhhhh....will have to get this sorted soon, because I need to get cracking on the next chapter....
Speaking of the dissertation, I've received the feedback from my supervisor - basic summary is that my intro and conclusion were great, as was the demonstration of my knowledge but I kinda failed to do what I said I'd done....which I think is rather spectacular actually.....way to go me....lol.... I have a tutorial next week, so I'm sure I will be able to re-write the chapter and do a better job of it... well that's the plan anyway.....
Plans for more research trip are coming along nicely, and I'm hoping to start getting back into it by visiting the local library and history centre next week when A is back at school. This week is half term, which is lovely in terms of not having to get him to school but does mean that (as he is grounded) I am dealing with a lot of "I'm boooooreeeeeddddd mum" ... oh yes, he is grounded...sadly...due to a little escapade on Sunday when, having been taken to Hayling Island (next to Portsmouth) by a friend's mum, he then had a row with that friend and decided to make his own way home......sigh..... Needless to say Sunday evening was, um, interesting...lots of phone calls between parents, and A's dad had to drag himself over to HI only to find A had already made it home...he scootered from HI to Portsmouth which must be a good 10 miles or so....see the map below:
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Personally I was stunned that he'd actually done this...but he really doesn't think twice about it...he has no doubts about his ability to withstand lots of physical exercise and I do feel that that is a good thing... I just wish he wouldn't do it when he's angry - it leads to such worry....
Because it's half term, I have no counselling appointment this week.....which is making me slightly anxious....I've got used to going already, and it will be weird not having that opportunity to talk things through with Adrian, but I'm pleased that this anxiety has not developed into a full blown panic, and that I still feel able to cope. Interestingly, I am finding that my dreams are focused on events from my childhood/teenage/young adult years, and I think that's because last week's session was so focused on that period - and because Adrian has made me realise that so much of what I'm feeling now, is not new - I've felt it before, and there are events from the past which have made me this way, or contributed to it.... I think before I'd just written off the incidents of anxiety in my childhood as being, well, due to me being a child - so it is helpful to look at them in this new light, and to see whether or not there is a pattern. I'm not going to go back and put everything down to some inherent tendency to anxiety, because that's a) not accurate and b) not helpful...but some of the more serious incidents may well be explained in that way, and doing so may help me to stop obsessing over them.... so we'll see...
Writing this blog is really helpful to me, but I'm aware that it can be a bit of a stream of consciousness, and probably a bit blah sometimes.....I read other blogs as well, and some of them are so well written....I feel a bit pressured, by myself that is, to make this more interesting, exciting or whatever..... but since I don't lead a very interesting life it's kinda hard to do that....without lying that is..... It's shocking to me the sheer number of people who lie on their blogs.....in the last few days I've read about two women who lied about having cancer in order to con people out of money and emotional energy..... I can't conceive of the mind behind this, the thinking which led them to say "I'm going to pretend to have a horrible illness just so I can make money and get sympathy"....seriously? I mean, yes my life isn't all that interesting and this blog could be more sparkly and fabulous, but lying to get that? Why? Cancer is just the most horrible illness - just last Friday it took the life of another beautiful child, Audrianna Bartol. Audri was only 6. Her mum's blog is here: http://audriannabartol.blogspot.co.uk/ and it is so heartbreaking to read....this women is going through this for real, and yet people are faking it for money? Ugh.....how utterly despicable....
One thing is clear, the internet just magnifies and emphasises the uglier traits within human nature....but it also does the same to the good parts.... I know this first hand, because within several of the FB groups I am a member of, there is such a high level of support and caring that it makes me feel safe... For all its faults, the internet does allow those who are kind and caring, to reach out and support people who otherwise they may never have 'met'.... Even the hoaxers are being called out and stopped (http://warriorelihoax.com/).... People who have a talent are able to showcase it, including my friend Charlotte, whose art work is just stunning - have a look at it here: http://www.charlottefarhanart.com/ and here: https://www.artgallery.co.uk/artist/charlotte_farhan_2 . I've made some amazing friends online and am really enjoying being able to share in their joys ... new babies, weddings, other achievements as well as being able to support them through the bad times - all of these are good things, which the internet enables....so every time I get angered my the sheer evil of some of those online, I remember all the good things.... including my opportunity to vent/share via this blog - something which (as I've said many times before) really helps me .. :)
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