Whoops

I've just realised that it's been a week since I last posted....not blogging wasn't intentional, it's just been one of those weeks...mainly it's been exhausting....

Also, this week has been about dealing with things which I can't really put on here. Mainly because they involve other people, or would potentially make a tricky situation even worse. I've had to make decisions, which although they are the correct ones (for me and others), are still tough to actually do. On the plus side I was able to put into practice, some more of the CBT tricks I was taught...and I'm sure that, whilst my sleep still wasn't great, it would have been much worse without that.

I have had A this week, which has been really rather lovely. He is going through a nice phase at the moment, and although he is still a typical teenager (moaning and grumping), we've had some good, chilled out time together... Sadly, however, the bullying at school is continuing, and on Monday it escalated into the walk home, where he was followed (possibly chased down) by two lads (one a year 9 - so one year above him in school), who proceeded to empty a bottle of sports drink over his head, and then tried to push him into the road in front of a car. He came home so so distressed, it was horrible to see. Not only had they hurt him, they'd also made him fearful of walking to and from school.. Ok so it's not a long journey (5 min walk) but still time for them to do harm. When I rang the school and told them what had happened, they did get onto it immediately, and I know that the two have been dealt with - interestingly when I was contacted again, the person I spoke to told me that she was aware of the year 9 boy, and her tone was such that it suggested that this wasn't knowledge gained because he was a good student....sigh, their hands are tied in so many ways....

I was able to persuade A to go to school the next day, as he was only going in for a half day (lucky boy had a hospital appointment for his broken finger). However, even within that 3 hour period, he was attacked again. In this incident a boy chased him down the corridor and slammed his head into a wall. It appears that A had been throwing pencils in class, and afterwards this lad had decided to mete out his own punishment.... Once again I was faced with a distraught child, refusing to go back to school. The next morning he complained of a severe headache and was very pale and listless...so he didn't go in. Given the circumstances I wanted to a) give him some time to relax away from the fear he seems to feel every day at school, and b) make sure that his head was ok (it was)... I received a phone call from school, and was advised that I'd done the right thing. I made it clear to them that due to the way he had been hurt, I thought it was entirely reasonable to monitor him and not force him in.... Since he went in ok on Thursday I'm pretty sure I made the right choice.

He went in ok on Friday as well, but has expressed to his MABS worker, Bernard, and to our family MABS worker, Sarah, that he wants to move school. The only other school he could go to is City Boys. I don't have any objections as such but I'm not convinced it's the right thing to do. After all there are, sadly, bullies at every school, and A would also be taking himself with him - he doesn't help himself; he will react, sometimes over react, and will also provoke, and so I'm concerned that problems would occur and then we would be out of options re moving elsewhere. However, I'm beginning to realise that it may well be necessary for A to move schools. I've been advised that Mayfield does have a more endemic bullying problem, the legacy of all the years where the leadership level were so weak. Despite the fact that things have improved, and the huge efforts of the current Head and his staff, there is still a problem. However, we have had some amazing support from Mayfield. A has been referred for outside help which he may well not have received elsewhere; apparently his behaviour is not 'bad enough' - which begs the question just how bad is bad enough? Not sure I want to know to be honest..... I also have an excellent relationship with his head of year, and other members of staff. We understand each other, and I know that they give A a lot of leeway; for example when he has hit back, they have dealt with it but compassionately, and not as tho he had been the aggressor. So there is a lot to think about. I'd be grateful if any one who has any ideas or suggestions, would contact me. This is a very confusing situation and I want to do what is best for A, but I'm just not sure right now, what that is. His dad and I will have to make a decision, but I'd love to hear from anyone who thinks that they have thoughts or ideas which will help :)

Apart from that this week, I had my first counselling session - it went very well. The counsellor is a nice man, and he knows how to help without being challenging. I don't know how many sessions I will get, I need to ask, but although I felt emotionally exhausted afterwards, I know that it has helped. He wants me to write up a paragraph about where I see myself being in 5 years time... I'm pondering on that at the moment... It's a long way in the future and part of the issue, as I'm realising, is that I've shut down my forward planning - I can't see more than a few months ahead....

So that's where I am right now.....thinking a lot of things over, and trying to challenge myself to get over hurdles and improve things. Exhausting stuff but eventually rewarding...at least I hope so.