Well, the summer holidays are nearly over....A goes back to school on Tuesday, which means no more lazy mornings for me (well apart from at the weekend)....time flies when you don't have to get up in the morning...that's what I find.... Needless to say, A is as unenthusiastic about going back to school as I am about having to actually set my alarm.... I'm really looking forward to Tuesday morning...honest I am.... In all seriousness, I have set aside the next couple of weeks for some pretty heavy phone call sessions...I need to be on top of everything, so that I can push and push for A to get the help he needs...I'm not expecting to get it straight away, or even to get phone calls back when promised, which is why I'm planning on being a pain, and getting on their nerves by constantly phoning...we'll see how that goes....
So, with tomorrow being the last day of the holidays, I decided that we'll be going for a bike ride in the afternoon, with J, and then back to her place for food and relaxation...It will be nice for A to see J's kids again, and since J has offered to feed us, I'm a happy bunny... A will be at his dad's overnight, so I can drop him off, and them come home and relax some more :)
I have to sign on tomorrow morning, which means taking A with me...haven't decided yet whether we'll cycle in, or get the bus...I think that will be a decision/battle for tomorrow morning... So tonight I have to sit down and fill out my record book, to show the jobs I've applied for, looked at etc., as well as any employers I've contacted. It's a pain, cos a) I could just make it all up - there's no checks on it, they just read it and then get you to sign their records and b) I never remember to do it as I go along, so I always spend time remembering when I did what, and what I've actually done..and yes, it would be more sensible to do it as I go along but I never remember...which is a problem....ah well....
It's been a weird few days....last Thursday was great, I went to J's and had a lovely time just catching up and chilling out....was good to see them all again....have really missed them...especially loved seeing N do his dinosaur impression - his T-Rex one is pretty good.... They have bunnies as well, which are so cute...when they have the run of the garden, it's very funny to watch them and see what they do...ok, so it's mostly eating and sniffing things, but hey, they're cute... :) We sat outside for most of the afternoon, and it was rather hot, but nice to be able to just sit in the sun for a bit.... The kids were on their trampoline - oh boy do I wish I was small enough to go on that....it looks like masses of fun...good job it has a net around it though, else we'd have been spending the day at A&E.....
So Thursday was good, well until I got home - and realised that the dizzy spells I'd been having during the day weren't going away, and I was feeling really rather poorly... Am not 100% sure what caused it, but for the last few days I've not been feeling well at all....hence the lack of blogging... I do feel better today, but still not great....one of those bugs where you just want to sleep, but nothing actually helps...only time...fingers crossed it will go completely soon...
A came back on Friday, and it was lovely to see him again...he's been well and truly spoilt whilst he was away - has new clothes and shoes .... but most importantly, his voice seems to be breaking...much to his disgust...he knows it's a good thing really (it is, right?) but he hates the process...can't say I blame him... His dad told me that it hasn't stopped him talking....in fact, this time away seems to have demo'd to A's dad the extent of A's hyperactivity...they went up by train, and P told me that A didn't stop talking or fidgeting the whole way - that's 3 hours there and 3 hours back...yeah, welcome to my world... I think I have almost got used to it, in a way, but still, was a shock when he came back and proceeded to bounce around the house for an hour....even when he did finally sit down, he was still perpetual motion boy...it's exhausting....
I've not heard anything from Camhs, and I'm pretty peeved about that... the referral was done over a month ago, and I've held off chasing it up but not any longer... It's so frustrating and annoying that nothing gets done unless the parents jump up and down and make a nuisance of themselves..I know it's not the fault of the staff, they have too much work and not enough time...but it still makes it very hard to cope as a parent, because you want things sorted asap. Having to wait, and watch, just makes things worse...
My anxiety has been very high today, I'm not 100% sure why... I don't know if it's because I'm not well, but I've had to fight off several panic attacks today...it's as if I'm hyper-aware of my own body, which means that feeling dizzy, or queasy, has triggered excess anxiety... I have to say that this normally doesn't happen - I don't tend to have panic attacks when I'm ill....so I don't understand why now... But I'm left feeling very weak and twitchy, which is not fun. At all. I've been trying to distract myself by reading - having a Michael Crichton marathon - but it's not working all the time... It's exhausting, because I prevent one attack, read for a bit, then find another one coming on... If it doesn't stop, then I'll have to contact the doctor, and see what he suggests....
Mind you, it's not all bad - two people who I've seen in the last week have both commented that I've lost weight, noticeably to them...which has really cheered me up - I'd been worried that I'd 'stalled' and was feeling more and more temptation to snack...so their words came at the right time, and since they told me that, I've noticed it myself...which is good.... I've also cut down on the snacking...easier said than done, but it's happening...even if those snacks are healthy, I'd rather not have them because to me it's not about what I eat, it's the fact that I'm eating at all outside of meals...basically, I know that I eat when I'm stressed/bored...and so I need to be able to stop myself from doing that....I've realised recently, that a lot of my snacking was related to being bored and/or stressed...and that's the first step back towards eating 'bad' foods again..which I don't want.... I'm trying to just eat 3 good meals a day, and if I eat between meals, to have fruit...it's hard, but I need to do it, I need to see food as a necessity, functional, not fun - rather than as something to 'do' when I'm bored or stressed...if that makes sense....
Anyway, I'll stop rabbiting on now...I've got a book to read. :)
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