Family time..... :)

First of all an apology for my outburst on the last entry, I was (as you may have guessed) seriously cheesed off with the DWP/JSA people...but I have to say that I did feel better for venting... Wednesday morning saw me doing much the same thing in my appointment with Dave (my CBT therapist)...he was, infuriatingly, calm about it but what he said did make sense; there is very little I can do to influence this, so I do have to just let it go to an extent.... Having said that, I got home to find a letter from the tribunal service which promptly sent me through the roof again....oh dear....it seems that they have been making rather a lot of these punitive decisions recently, and therefore are having to have a correspondingly large number of tribunals....as a result it will take at least 11, and up to 15, weeks for me to get an tribunal appointment...sigh....and to make matters even more, um, interesting (and to cement my lack of faith in their ability to do anything right) they addressed the letter to Mrs N Easter...yes, that's right, some moron read my middle name (Esther) as Easter and decided to ignore my surname....I suppose I should be grateful that they had the rest of my info (NI number etc) correct.... Anyway, I have returned the letter confirming that yes I do wish to go to a tribunal, and I am now waiting (but not holding my breath) for a reply.....let's hope it's sometime this millenium....

I'm writing this, sat up in bed at my parents house, with A curled up asleep in the other single bed...no he's not snoring, at least not yet... We've come up for the weekend, and I'm really happy to be here. Apart from getting to see my parents for the first time in ages, tomorrow I get to see my Nan, two sets of Aunt/Uncle and my cousin and her fiance...woohoo..... I can't wait...It was my Nan's birthday today (92 years young) and I don't get to see her as much as I'd like. A loves seeing her as well, although given his enthusiasm for measuring his height against hers, she may not enjoy it as much...lol....in fact my Aunt will also have to put up with A comparing height with her...and I have a feeling that, given how much he has grown recently, for the first time Nan will have a great grandchild who is taller than her...as for Auntie L, well we shall see but she may want to wear some high heels..... ;-)

Tomorrow promises to be a good day in many ways, but it will also be tinged with sadness...it will be one year since Jack Marshall passed away, and more than ever he, and his family, are on my mind. A and I plan to get some balloons, and as it becoming traditional with Jack's Army, we will send them off, flying high... It is important to me to mark this day, to show that Jack is not forgotten...I cannot imagine the pain of losing a child, or sibling, and so I have no idea how his parents and brother are feeling right now.....Emptiness, sadness, a feeling of anger that the world is such a cruel place....that's what's in my mind. I can't believe it's been a year...when I look at the pictures of Jack, I see a child who even in the depths of treatment, was so alive, so full of joy and giggles, and so so caring...he always smiled, he sang and danced and ran, even when he was having chemo, he laughed heartily, and most of all he loved...the love and happiness which Jack and his family shared is tangible in the photos... I've said many times that Jack is my hero and inspiration; he really and truly is.... He was 4 when he was diagnosed, and from then until he passed away he went through some really hard treatments, treatments which would, and do, floor adults, and which I can't imagine tolerating as well as he did...It would have been understandable if Jack had been sad, or angry...but he wasn't....he'd sing, even after coming out of serious operations, he'd run and giggle, he'd smile, he enjoyed watching football, eating milky bars, being with his family....even at the end, when he couldn't do as much as he used to, his eyes still smiled, and he still showed his love.... Jack reminds me everyday that just because life throws crap at me, I don't have to give up...that more than anything else has kept me going at times...I've felt sorry for myself, but I see my pics of Jack smiling and I think, if he could do that when he was having chemo, then I can do it too.... It's hugely unfair that Jack didn't get to live, didn't get to grow up and do all the things we take for granted; it's horrible that his parents and brother had to say goodbye, and have to live without him, in fact it's more than horrible, it's something I wouldn't wish on anyone....but his spirit is definitely living on; in the way he inspires people to go out and raise awareness, but also in the way in which many in Jack's Army lead day to day lives... To me, Jack deserves to be remembered, and honoured - he was an amazingly brave and caring child, and his legacy is definitely living on....

This week is a painful one; remembering Harry Mosely on the 8th, Jackamo on the 13th and then my friends dad on the 14th... They're missed, remembered, and loved...always.....