Jobsworths and their ability to screw with people's lives: a discussion

I apologise in advance if this post turns into something of a rant...but it's been a bad few days in terms of my anxiety, and it was totally preventable and so, I AM NOT HAPPY!

Let me take you back to last week, at which time I noticed that I was coming to the end of my supply of both anti depressants and anti anxiety tablets.. So I did what every responsible, and maybe some irresponsible, person does and went online to order my refills. I triple checked that I'd done it correctly (because the last few times the surgery has managed to leave off my anti-d's)....and then I waited until I knew that they would be at the chemist to pick up, and off I toddled to get them...except that the anti anxiety tablets weren't there.....Now, this was Saturday morning and the surgery was closed...I had enough to last me till Monday so I thought, ok I'll just ring the docs on Monday and they'll fax through the prescription and away we go......oh how naive I was.....

Monday arrives, I ring the doc and speak to the receptionist who tells me that no, the propanolol is not on my repeat list. This puzzles me, because a) I was able to request it (surely if it's not on repeat, it shouldn't be on the system for me to request) and b) when I last saw my doc he upped my dose of anti-d's, and at the same times left me with the impression that he'd put the anti anxieties onto repeat (as he said he'd do) - certainly he didn't want me to come off them..... So, I calmly explained this to the robot, I mean receptionist, who proceeded to inform me that it wasn't on repeat, and that I'd have to come in and see a doc. Now, I HATE going to the doctors surgery, so I asked nicely if, given that I'd seen the doc recently and that they could see that he'd upped my anti-d's and had referred me to CBT, we could ask him to confirm that I'm to continue the anti-anxiety ones as well...well, she wasn't happy about that, seems I was asking her to do some actual work (instead of gossiping), but anyhoo eventually she agreed to email the doc - note at this point I'm left with the impression that she's emailing my doc, the one I saw, the one who KNOWS my history.....Uh, yeah so I was wrong about that as well......

Later on I received a call back from said receptionist advising that the duty doctor (NOT my doc) had said, nope, no dice on the old refill, I have to come in....At this point I'm getting more and more upset. I explained to her that I didn't understand why I had to be seen, given that the doc had seen me recently and more to the point, given the fact that I couldn't get into the surgery for several days due to having visitors (not to mention the fact that they didn't have any appointments)... I asked her to contact the doc I'd actually seen, and she said she would and that I'd get a phone call. At that point I was telling myself that surely the effects of the pills would last a few days and that I'd be ok..

No phone call the rest of Monday, or all day yesterday...so this morning I rang them back....It seems that the receptionist didn't bother to email my doc, oh no...she just left it and did nothing....and today she was again insisting that I come in. By this time I was feeling more and more anxious and shaky, and I told her that I didn't think I could make it in, my legs felt like jelly and I was having palpitations....She said, promised, that she would email the duty doc (my doc wasn't in) and that I would have a call back by the end of the day....guess what...no call back...

In the meantime I am feeling very sick, shaky, wobbly, jelly like, anxious, angry, having palpitations and generally feeling as though I want to hide in a cupboard...and they want me to leave the house and go and see a doctor!!! It's getting worse every day and I'm so fed up.... What is wrong with them? Why couldn't they just let me have a short term prescription to see me through until I could see my doc again? Why can't they say, well ok we can see that you need these pills, so we'll help you out here...Instead of being jobsworths and leaving me feeling like this.....I'm supposed to take A to physio tomorrow morning...I don't even want to leave the house and I have no idea how I'm going to manage that...

I know that I can insist on an appointment tomorrow, and go in...and I will end up doing that..but I'm furious, because to me, I shouldn't have to..It's clear on my notes that I have severe anxiety and depression, it's clear that I need those pills.....to my mind the first option should have been, right we'll give you an emergency supply until you can get here...I don't like and am not comfortable with, seeing another doc about this issue, my doc, Dr C knows me and I'm comfy with him....this may seem like a petty thing to some of you, but I can assure you it's not... Sadly, their first option was default jobsworth, let's not care about the patient, let's just be awkward and not care about the consequences because hey guess what, we're not the ones who'll have palpitations etc... I know that not all doctors receptionists are like this, and to be fair I think I've found the only one at my gp's surgery who IS like that....lucky me.... I just want to have her walk in my shoes, to have her experience all the physical symptoms I'm having at the moment just so she knows what impact her attitude has on me. I know that she could have helped me if she'd chosen to, because it's been done before...It's not the case that she has no wiggle room, she so does...but she chose to be awkward...

So yeah, today has NOT been a good day..... A is being hyper and I'm not coping... I just want to curl into a ball and cry, scream, and punch things...instead I shall button it up, take A to the physio tomorrow and insist on seeing a doc, I shall force myself to go in and I will get my prescription....Because what choice do I have. I think that's why I'm so angry - because at the end of the day, I didn't matter enough to the receptionist for her to get me an emergency supply, for her to care, for her to do what she promised, for her to understand what I'm feeling....Instead of her helping me, I'm once again locking things down so that I can get in, get the prescription, and hopefully feel better...More to the point, I've gone cold turkey (to a degree) on these pills and it staggers and scares me that she could EVER think that was ok. Even if she didn't understand, then the duty doc certainly should, and I'm furious that she thought it was ok to fob me off, and tell me I'd have to wait...

I'm sorry for this rant, but more than that I'm sad for myself - because I have totally regressed several steps...I HATE FEELING LIKE THIS....so I'm going to go now, and try to relax a bit....