All mixed up........and more than a little stressed.....

It's been a very weird and stressful few days.... Normally speaking, dealing with an ex's break up just isn't something which features heavily in people's lives...but when you have a child with that ex, then all bets are off and it becomes very messy.... Couple that with stress over the MA dissertation, constant phone calls from people who can't quite grasp the concept of my phone number being on the TPS list (i.e. unsolicited phone calls are banned), and trying to get A an appointment with Camhs ASAP and you see why I may be slightly mad at the moment.....but then today I got a reality check...another one...as another little life is fading away, from the nasty disease that is cancer... So please hold Mitchell Huth and his family in your thoughts....they need it right now.... 

Interestingly, as I'm writing this I'm watching Road Wars (as usual) and a charming (haha) young lady is screaming at the police, who are arresting her equally charming (pah) young male companion, that she hopes they get cancer....It never ceases to amaze me just how ignorant some people are, in fact it shocks me - their ignorance I mean....cancer doesn't choose which family it affects, it just dives right in...it's not as if it's something which certain people avoid because their posh/chavvy....so to me, of all the things people hurl at the police, that one is the one which upsets me and angers me the most....either she really is ignorant about cancer, or she's so nasty that she doesn't care...am not sure which is worse....

I think, to be honest, that my emotions are a bit on edge this week.... When A came back on Monday night, he seemed to be ok, but then he went very quiet and sat with Molly cat on his lap...he was tearful and very worried about his dad..it's so hard to see your child in pain, and to know that there's nothing you can do...I just held him on my lap (you know it's bad when your 12 year old happily cuddles up on your lap) and we watched telly together, chatting...eventually he fell asleep and I left him to sleep on the sofa... On Tuesday he was again sticking very close to me. He'd go out for a bit, and then come back again....when I told him that J (his dad's now ex) would be moving out, we had more tears and he insisted then that he wanted to be with his dad that evening...he was hoping to see J before she left but that wasn't to be...a maccy d's with his dad seemed to help tho, and today he's been ok and is staying at a friends house over night. 

I've been asked whether or not he will continue to see J. To be honest I don't know, it's up to her (and P I guess). I have no objection, and part of me hopes that he will continue to see her for a while at least, and that things will tail off naturally...she's been a part of his life for 4 years, she's been his step-mum for pretty much all that time and honestly, I have some concerns over his ability to handle it if contact is cut off suddenly. But, I guess we'll just have to wait and see. I still don't know exactly what happened, and although the nosy part of me wants to know (wouldn't you? be honest), I don't think I ever will... I do have concerns that A's issues were part of it, but I have to trust that they weren't. 

It's been very weird and quite hard to see P so upset...normally you'd not see this, an ex is an ex, but not in this case and even though it may seem weird, I do feel for him. I didn't see this coming (and sharing a child with a household is normally a sure fire way to get information accidentally - you know what kids are like).....Enough time has passed now for us to be amicable and friendly, and it's never nice to see friends in pain. Hopefully having A will help him, as it did me when he and I split up..... 

In the meantime I've been cracking on with the MA dissertation. I'm having serious doubts about my ability to finish it by the deadline, especially as I have A during the day most of the time for the next month or so. He is so very hyper at the moment that, when he's at home, I really can't concentrate. He's bouncing off the walls, fidgeting, being noisy etc., and I want to be calm and nice, but sadly I keep letting my stress get the better of me and snapping at him...not good... I really need to see my supervisor but he's on leave till next week so I'll just have to wait, and chase him up then. I've still got lots of research to do, I'd hoped to have it done by now but all the problems with A at the end of term stopped me, so I'm way behind.... I don't know if I can get an extension, and even if it's the right thing to do. I'll have to see...in the meantime I'm off to the library to do more research tomorrow (and being taken to lunch by my lovely friend J (not P's ex), can't wait)....

Yesterday was a bad day, I think everything caught up with me and I just wanted to hide. So I did. For once, though, it worked and having some time to myself made me feel better....so that's a big WOOHOO... I certainly felt much better this morning and have stormed through a lot of work today.... Watching the Olympics has helped.....they say that winning medals helps to motivate the other athletes, and it really motivated me....watching the women win their rowing race was amazing, and then seeing Bradley Wiggins win another gold was brilliant.... I'm really enjoying being able to watch, and although I'd love to be able to go there, it's not possible so this is the next best thing....

Right, I need to go to bed... I have to face the dreaded work scheme office again tomorrow...an early night is essential.....

Night, lovely people :)