It's Friday :))))))) .............

And what a nice day it has been today..... Last night wasn't great. I caught A doing something naughty and unfortunately that led to another long, stressful stand off... In the end I just went to bed and left A to it - he fell asleep on the sofa...not ideal but at least sleep was involved for both of us....and this morning he was calm, apologetic and went to school without any problems....for which I was very grateful... It is hard to explain to people, even when they know what's going on and may even have witnessed part of it, just how emotionally and physically exhausting it is dealing with a child who takes disobedience and rudeness to the next level.  It's like a particularly unpleasant roller coaster...well the ups are great but the downs can be awful and depressing...and what makes it worse is that I can't just walk away, as you would in any other situation... He's my son, I love him and I want to help him... 

Equally, I often won't talk about what happens because I still want to protect A, I don't want people looking at him differently, thinking he's horrible or whatever - yes his behaviour is appalling at times but my maternal protectiveness kicks in and when I think that people may think badly of him, however justified that my be, it makes my stomach twist... I know that it's not just about him, or me...there are others (my parents for example) who are badly affected - what must it be like for them to have to hear me upset on the phone, or read the texts about what's happening? When I think about that I want to cry. I love Aiden, always, bad behaviour or not....yes it's a lot easier when he's calm and being good but even when he's behaving badly and as though he hates me, I still love him...I just want him to stop behaving badly. 

In related news I spoke to the doctor today - it appears as though there has been some miscommunication because instead of getting an agreement to refer A to the next level of Camhs, instead he got upset with A's old Camhs worker who had asked me to ring...he kept quoting her last letter in which she'd said she'd see him again, and told me that he wasn't happy that she was telling me to ring him instead.. When I texted her she advised me that she will ring the doc and let him know that he will have to refer as she can't help A any more.. Frankly, and I know that both she and the doc are doing their best, all I want is for someone to sort this out and help A (and help me) before things get any worse... 

Anyway, at least he went to school without protest today... Which meant that I was able to have a lovely time with J and her son N - who is adorable and has the most beautiful blond curls (is it wrong to be jealous of a 2 year old?? lol)... N takes things I say very literally - once I asked him if he had ants in his pants, he looked at me as though I was mad (smart kid) and took his pants off and showed me "look no ants"....umm yes, I really should learn my lesson....sadly there were two further occasions today when I managed to get the 'adults are stupid' look from him....bless him... He does give lovely cuddles... It was also nice to have a chat with J, she has been fabulously supportive over the last few weeks and has agreed that if A feels the need, he can go to her house so at least we know he is safe (as opposed to being anywhere in Portsmouth). 

When they left I had a lovely afternoon nap - I'm so very tired at the moment because of everything which has happened this week...so it was lovely to wrap myself up in a blanket and curl up on the sofa and sink into a sleep...A was out with his friends and when I woke up I felt so much better.... I think those countries who have an afternoon siesta have the right idea, it's so nice to be able to doze off and wake feeling refreshed... 

Speaking of sleep, an early night will be in order tonight as A and I have to be up early (well early for a Saturday anyway) tomorrow as we have a wedding to go to. I can't wait. Mind you, I had a bit of a clothing crisis today.... The good thing is that I can fit into the dress, the not so good thing is that it's still too tight to wear without looking pregnant...so I've found (with J's help) another outfit to wear... I also discovered that A doesn't have any smart trousers...he's insistent that he wants to wear his skinny jeans - am not sure that they are wedding attire but I'll be honest - it's not worth a fight and my family aren't the type to stress over that stuff....If the worst comes to the worst I'll hopefully be able to enlist my mum to help and maybe find a shop in Worthing when we get there - the train gets in early enough that a shopping trip is possible... We'll see....

Right, time for me to go and catch up on A's day and how he is..... :)