Achievements......and the Olympics..................

Today was a good day....even if some things marred it slightly....it was good..... First of all I slept well.....this is a good thing...I'm so fed up of waking up in the middle of the night, scared but not knowing why, and then taking ages to get back to sleep....so yay for a full nights sleep....

And...drumroll please...I've finally finished and handed in my PhD Proposal...so so relieved because I was starting to think that it would never be done and I'd had quite a few minor freak outs over it...but not it's all done and handed in, well emailed in anyway. And now I just have to wait. Sigh. Bet you can't wait until I start freaking out over that.... ;-) I have no idea when I will hear. I'm going to email the admin team and ask them nicely, so that at least I can hopefully put it out of my mind for a while before I start freaking..lol

Then, and this is the achievement I'm really proud of, I de-flea'd the cats..woohoo.... I've been meaning to do it for a while, but I had to psych myself up to deal with four, struggling, hissing, yowling, unhappy cats (one after the other) whilst trying to pin them down and smear the de-flea-ing stuff on the back of their necks....I did it..and I didn't get scratched..although I did resemble a mohair jumper after it was all over.... 

So yes, I did achieve something today.... I also got to speak to my mum, which is always nice...and even though I'll have to wait until October to see her, at least we've got something arranged.. Apart from that, and a short bike ride, today has been a slow day. It's been very hot, and muggy and to be honest, it's hard to get up much enthusiasm for moving around when doing so simply results in being drenched in sweat..lovely...lol....

Now, I'm sitting on the sofa, watching the opening ceremony of the Olympic Games....it's been spectacular, although I'm kinda wishing I had a fast forward button as the whole 'athletes entering the stadium' bit is taking aaages...who knew there were so many countries in the world...and Micronesia? Really? I actually thought that was a made up place..oops.... 

I have mixed feelings about the Olympics being here.. On the one hand I'm really proud, and pleased that it's being held in my country...on the other hand, I keep thinking about the money spent on it and wishing it could have been spent on something else, although I'm well aware that there would be arguments about what that 'something' should be. I know I'd like the money to go on cancer research, brain tumour awareness and cures, amongst other things.... So what annoys me, is not that we have the Olympics or the money we're spending on it but that even if we didn't have this event, we *still* wouldn't spend the money on those things.... Because that's the reality.....people are, rightly, upset at the amounts of money spent on this, and even though I love watching the Olympics and I'm pleased it's here, I still feel like that. I know it's contradictory but there you go. However, I'm sceptical that if the money hadn't been spent on the Olympics, it would then have gone on worthwhile things....I don't know, maybe I'm wrong...maybe I'm just trying to reconcile my enjoyment/pride in the Olympics with my desire to see a cure for cancer, amongst other things...and to think that people would choose hosting the Olympics over that is a horrible thought.... 

I'm also feeling a bit low and crappy tonight...not sure why to be honest...I should be happy and I'm cross with myself for feeling bad when I really shouldn't...but that's the nature of the beast that is depression..it has no rhyme or reason...it's that old feeling of just wanting to go to bed and hide away...and the fact that I can't pin point a reason why, is making it worse...sometimes if I understand why I feel bad then I can accept it and work through it, but not knowing just frustrates me more... to be honest it makes me feel like a bad person, a horrible selfish nasty person who can't be happy when she should be....there's people out there who have things worse than I do, much worse..so what right do I have to feel like this.... and then it just goes on and on....sometimes the only thing I can do is go to bed, listen to music and try to sleep.... which is what I'm going to do in a minute.. I have my friend K coming over tomorrow, I haven't seen her in a while and I'm looking forward to it. I can be myself with her, I don't have to pretend and I know she will listen and won't judge me and will help....so that's a good thing.....

I'm going to sign off now... it's nearly time for Team GB to come out, and for the torch to enter the stadium....I'll watch that, then off to bed... Night all... x