relaxed....STRESS.....relaxed.......

Yeah, so that was pretty much how my day went..... First of all the bliss of being able to wake up naturally and have a decent nights sleep (although my dreams were pretty weird, but let's not go there)....that was nice.... Even the weather was nice and sunny...for once...woohoo......

Then I switched my laptop on, and immediately plunged into the stress of my PhD proposal. I'd asked a friend to read it, and he'd made some valid points, points I totally agreed with....the only problem was that for some reason I just felt overwhelmed..not by what he'd said, because it was exactly right, but by the fact that I seemed to be trying so hard to write this proposal and failing miserably.... So I had a minor meltdown....which was nice...especially as I also had the bright idea of emailing the supervisor during said meltdown, and all but wailing about my failure to write a decent proposal....oh dear.... I just felt really crap. I know that I can write an excellent PhD thesis on this topic, and I know that it's a good topic. But there seems to be a magic language to use for writing the proposal (well that's how I felt at the time) and I just couldn't get it right. I really shouldn't allow myself email access when I have these moments, because it only leads to me sending histrionic emails to people who really shouldn't be receiving histrionic emails from me. Anyway, shortly after said panic, my mum rang me and as always a good chat with her sorts me out.... Then my friend offered to re-write part of the proposal for me, and needless to say it was amazing....so that cheered me up, and I sat down and re-wrote the whole thing again (THIRD time), sent it off to lucky friend again, and fortunately I think I may have cracked it this time.. If only I hadn't emailed the supervisor already... Ah well.... So there we are, proposal is finished (finally) and hopefully it will be handed in this week and I can forget about it (ha) until they let me know one way or the other.... At least I've got the small matter of a 15,000 word dissertation to complete by 1st October, that should keep me busy....it's back to the research for that next week...I can't wait....

I did manage to relax for the rest of the day though, which was nice.....A is at his Dad's which means that the house is very quiet....even the cats have been outside enjoying the sunshine today.... which meant that for once I didn't have to keep removing cats from the keyboard so that I could type...apart from my mini meltdown, it's been a good day..... As I write this, I'm watching a program about the ambulance service in Reading (where I used to live) and it's making me cry because of the lovely elderly people, who don't want to be a bother and the contrast between them and the younger people who call 999 for a headache... I've had to call 999 for A, due to his asthma, before and even though I knew he needed an ambulance, I still felt guilty for calling. Listening to some of the talk between the paramedics you could think that they're a bit heartless, but I'm certain that going to people who call for no reason, who are just wasting time and who refuse to help themselves must be soul destroying when you're trying to get to people who really need you. Ok, sorry about that little detour into my telly viewing.... 

So, tomorrow is the Race for Life...I'm sure you've sponsored me by now, haven't you? Good good..... I'm really looking forward to it. Yes. Me. Looking forward to walking 5 kilometres. No I haven't lost my mind. Yes I am sane. Lol... What can I say, it's for an amazing cause, well 3 amazing causes actually and I'll be walking with my lovely friend J, and her beautiful daughters. Even though I'll probably be a total slow coach, I know I'll finish it....I have to. This isn't hard, and it's nothing compared to what Jackamo went through, what Jobo is going through and what others like my Aunt and my friend R have been through. So yes, I'm looking forward to walking, to remembering Jackamo and my Aunt and to recognising all those amazing people who go through the fire with cancer, whether they make it or not, they're all heroes to me.... The sun will shine, we'll walk and talk and spread awareness for the causes I'm walking for and hopefully between us we'll have raised a good sum of money for cancer causes....and that makes me happy....

A is coming to watch me, and then we're going to J's for a lovely roast dinner...she amazes me because today the family went to Longleat (and she texted me to say that her feet hurt from all the walking) and yet not only is she walking 5k with me tomorrow, but she's also cooking a roast dinner....love that woman, if she wasn't married to L I think I'd just move in....lol...kidding J and L, honest..... I can't wait though, looking forward to a lovely day. I've just got to get my t-shirt, and pictures etc. for the back panel ready, and then I'm good to go... Lots of weetabix for breakfast, several cups of tea and I'll be set...... I'll make sure to take some pics for here so you can see how we did..... Last time I did this (about 4 years ago I think) I walked it in just under an hour - however I was fitter and smaller then, so we'll see how it goes this time. 

Right, I'm off to stalk my lovely new FB friends on the hoax busting team, because, let's face it, it's the early evening in the USA (well parts of it) so they're probably bored and waiting for me to annoy them...haha... only joking... 

Thanks for reading :)